And I loved you... again and again - Part 4

I saw that carefree and confident look on your face. You were aware of what you were doing. I understood it then that you were an ATYPICAL woman. Being an Atypical man myself I always wanted someone like you in my life. Your beautiful eyes, smart mouth and even smarter mind made you even more desirable. I just hoped that your marital status should not dim the spark between us. You were still as desirable as I found you couple of hours back. Just before you were about to alight from the bus I gave you my phone number and I know how difficult it was to control myself from asking for your phone number. I could not let you go without even knowing whether we would meet again ever.”This is going in the history as the shortest love story ever” “Fool, ask her phone number” “You moron, even if she said no, you would have understood how she felt for you” etc etc... All these thoughts crossed my mind in next 5 minutes and this self-accusation stopped only when my phone beeped. Here it was, blinking on my phone screen, ray of my hope – your message. Wow, she is interested in you...she also felt the same way that I did...she likes me...she wants to talk to me...These never ending thoughts about you kept on flooding my mind that whole night and next day. And all this while I just kept on dialing your number and disconnecting the call because I wasn’t sure about what I wanted to say to you. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to feel the warmth of your voice flowing in my ears. Finally, I called you towards the end of the day and asked you if you could come out to meet me and you being you, an atypical woman, accepted my offer without making any fuss about it. Even before I hung up I started dreaming that how would I react when I meet you - I would hug you with a light peck on your cheeks, no I can’t make myself look too eager so a normal handshake would be fine.

I left my office an hour earlier and reached the pizza shop, where we were supposed to meet .For next  30 minutes I just kept on looking at the entrance of the restaurant and hoped that the next person walking in is you. Finally you entered and started looking around for me. Sorry, I was so transfixed that time that I could not even wave my hand to tell you where I was sitting. Your black, fitted dress which just ended below your knees was not letting my eyes focus. At one moment they were busy staring at your legs (now, don’t blame my eyes for this) while at the other they were busy measuring the neckline. All I wanted to do that time was to hold your waist, pull you towards me and kiss you on your lips and all the way down to your neck and then your shoulder till the hemline of the dress. I somehow managed to put the brake to my thoughts and all we did was that swift hug which was enough for me to drink in your intoxicating smell.

We kept on meeting every other day after that and during all such meetings I wanted to tell you that I had started loving you, I couldn’t get your thought out of my mind even for a minute, I wanted to hold your hands, our fingers entwined into each other’s, feel the scent of your body and the touch of your lips on my lips. I had no clue about what you felt for me then and I always had the fear of losing you if I told you about my true feelings for you.

I looked forward to your calls every morning and every night when you reached home. I admired the fact that you so honestly told me about your love for Hindi songs. They were never my forte but for you I was ready to do anything and this was the least I could do. When the world waited for weekends to come I waited for Mondays to arrive. Saturdays and Sundays were the longest days of the week for me when I could not talk to you or see you or feel the warmth of your voice in my ears. When I told you about my plan of moving abroad for further studies you sounded so excited and I wasn’t expecting that reaction. I had a feeling that somewhere within you had also developed a soft corner for me and I was hoping that corner had stored love for me. But I did not hear any such emotion in your voice and all it had was a friendly excitement and happiness that a friend has for the other.

And then came the day when I had to leave for this beautiful country and you wanted to give me company till the airport just the way you did at the time when we had met. How much I longed to hear during those 2 hours to airport that you loved me but you being a stubborn woman would not say that... And then at the airport, the sadness in your eyes whispered those 3 beautiful words I was waiting to hear in last 5 months... You looked so sad and beautiful at the same time that I couldn’t control myself from giving you a tight hug, entwine my fingers in yours and brush my lips on yours in those few moments.

We said our good byes but I knew that our relationship that had started on a journey couldn’t get over with a good bye. It rather started with a Good Bye... I shared my new number once again with you.. Have you ever realized that why I shared my number both the times with you and then giving you the choice of entering in my life or exiting it forever.

Babe, I would be lying if I say that I started loving you the moment I saw you in the flight…But yes I loved you during all our meetings, I loved you while singing those songs for you and I loved you during last 5 years when I was with different girls. I loved you when I saw you on skype the other day and I know that I would keep on loving you forever.. And during all those moments of love I did not bother about your marital status because for me you are not someone whom I would fit in a box of Ms or Mrs. You are my friend, my bubble mate.. You are my regret and my biggest happiness... Regret that we did not meet earlier in our life, regret that I can’t offer you my shoulder when you say that you want to take rest, regret that I can’t provide you the warmth of my love when you feel cold and happiness that I have someone like you in my life who is not scared to love again and with you I never cared if you could love again.

Do we really need special treatment?

I don’t believe in the concept of celebrating women’s day. It’s not that I am not proud of being a woman but then I don’t understand that why we need to dedicate a day for celebrating us. For me it’s like saying that we are special and we need special treatment. No I am not special. I am a woman.

I don’t like it when men leave their seats for me. Neither am I very old nor do I have any physical challenges that men should be doing this for me. I really hate it when somebody offers me a helping hand while I am carrying my heavy luggage on the railway station. Dude, I know I had to carry it and I have packed my luggage accordingly. Thanks but no thanks. The idea of separate queues for women has never thrilled me. Yes, from the women safety point of view they are fine but then I am totally open to the idea of standing in the same queue as men and patiently wait for my turn to come.

I really appreciate the reserved seat for the old people and the pregnant women in every coach of metro but why do we need 2 seats for women in every coach? Ladies first – Why? What have I done to get anything before men? Why do a man do needs to hold a door for a woman? Why do they need to pull a chair for us to sit? Why do they pay the food bill when we go out for lunch or dinners? You may call this as chivalry but then why this courtesy is mostly from men to women. We can open the doors for ourselves, we can pull our chair and we can pay for our food bill and we can do this for men as well.

I understand that there is large part of women who are forced to live substandard life, girls who don’t even know how a school looks like, daughters who are not even allowed a life and are killed before they are born but then how this preferential treatment going to help them. They need more than a Women’s day to see the light of the day.

When we teach our young sons to respect women, we are unknowingly sowing the thoughts in their mind that women are different from men. They should be taught to respect human beings rather than respecting women. Sometimes, men around me try to shadow my achievements or may be their underachievement with the fact that I am a woman and so I would have got it easily but believe you me I had to put in extra efforts than any of the you men around to achieve my goal. So, please don’t try to steal my success under the pretext of my gender. It actually shows weakness of men.

Don’t treat me differently only because we are different by birth. Men and Women. Treat me differently because I deserve it. I don’t respect you or love you or hate you because you are a man. I respect you for your hard work, I love you for your sensitivity and I can hate you for any of the millions of things that you do. All I want is same treatment from you. Don’t love, respect or detest me because I am a woman.

It’s so ironical that we talk about women empowerment in a country where we worship Women Strength in the form of Goddess Durga. Somewhere during our evolution cycle we lost the key ingredient of our culture of treating men and women at par. We now advertise these concepts as our inventions. We have forgotten the fact that we were not given a choice of being a man or woman at the time of our birth. Then why should we take pride in claiming that we are woman. We should take pride in what have we made of ourselves. We should be proud of our contributions towards the society and above all we should be proud of our individuality, our identity.

I don’t avail the special offers that flood the market during Women’s day because I feel it degrades my identity. I don’t wait for ladies night and the discounted drinks which the clubs have on offer because I feel that somewhere these offers are making use of my identity rather than celebrating it.  I returned the certificate to my organization which I had received on Women’s day because I don’t need a proof of what I am and what I am capable of doing.

All I need is a treatment that I deserve because of my deeds and not because of my gender. And all I do is to celebrate myself and not celebrate Women’s Day.

Dedicated to all the men in our life

We all come across events/ articles/ stories in our daily life where successful men dedicate their success to their wives, moms, sisters or daughters. And the not so successful men crib how their girlfriends and wives have made a hell out of their life.

I am sure we have paused during such stories and thought how much men have impacted our lives... I owe my success to the men in my life. And this success doesn’t necessarily mean the success in my career. This success means the success of a mother, a wife, a career woman and most importantly an individual.

I am a successful wife because I have a great husband who supports me in my daily chores at home. He doesn’t mind folding the clothes or arranging the shoe rack or offering me a glass of water when I reach home after a hectic day at office. He doesn’t feel awkward in holding the shopping bags for me or watching a romantic comedy with me. He loves to plan our vacations and feed me when I have henna on my hands.

I am a successful mother because my husband loves sharing the responsibility of bringing up our daughter. He makes her bottler of milk in the mid of the night when I am sleeping peacefully and I am secretly jealous of the fact that she loves to spend more time with him than with me. He cuddles her, puts her to sleep and sings lullaby for her.

I am a career woman firstly because of my Father and then because of my husband in my personal life and professionally because of all my superiors and colleagues in office. These male colleagues never approached me with any gender biasness and they always pushed me to perform better. They stood by me during all my professional ups and downs and ensured that my career continues smoothly.

I am a happy and cheerful person todaybecause of all my friends and many of them are guys. They love to sit next to me when I drive and don’t mind sharing their drinks with me. They have always accepted me the way I am and they don’t bother even if I use the cuss words. They are my 4 am friends who don’t treat me differently because I am a woman

I love sports because my brother always played soccer, badminton and cricket with me. He never hesitated in taking me in his team during any match and many a times he proudly made me the captain of his team.

And finally, the most important man in my life – my father

I am what I am because of my father. His upbringing always gave me the strength to fight the world. He showed confidence in me which infused self confidence in me. He gave me the freedom to think and take my decisions and he was always the fall back for all my decisions. I carry his surname even after my marriage because I feel that my whole identity is because of him.

Men in my life have supported me, helped me, guided me, challenged me and loved me. They have impacted my life in all possible manners. Kudos to all the men in my life who helped me to evolve into a better human being and more importantly a better woman in all the spheres of my life.