I had fallen for you the first time I met you - Part 3

Holi break had just got over and I was boarding the flight to my land of KARMA.

.As usual, I kept praying to have a pretty lass for company rather than the boring co passengers I frequently encountered. There you were!!! What a sight it was. I thanked god for the same and made my way towards you with confident steps despite the limited space available on board. When I reached at my stipulated seat 23 B, I found you on 23 C. Your sharp nose, flawless wheatish complexion, the most beautiful pair of eyes fixed on a book, and the aloofness to the commotion that was in the aircraft with passengers either trying to spot their seat or busy tugging in their luggage in the overhead cabinets kept my eyes fixed on you for a minute or so. I don’t know if it was your beautiful face or the indifference to your surroundings that made me to wait a while and look at you before disturbing you to get onto my seat. “’Excuse me, I am sorry to bother you but I have the middle seat.”’. You lifted your head and saw me…It was an electrifying experience. The mesmerizing eyes, innocent face and black wavy hair with gold n bronze streaks . I couldn’t get my eyes off you.


I tried my best to act chivalrous and requested you to excuse me as I had the middle seat and you had to get up from aisle seat to let me sit. The moment you got up from your seat to give me way, I realized that you were just not a pretty face. You were a pretty face and a nice body. The flight took off and you immersed yourself in the book that you were already reading. The inflight TV kept me entertained for next half an hour till the time the meal arrived and you had to keep the book aside.


I grabbed that opportunity when you were not focused on your book. I asked you “Which book are you reading?” and I don’t remember the name of that book because I was lost in your sweet, innocent voice which used my ears to flow to my heart. That was the best meal of my life not because it tasted so but because it gave me an opportunity to talk to you. Your words were more enchanting than you and I took no time in figuring out that you love talking. We talked about the book, my job, your job and my studies. You were so charming and warm and it was so easy to talk to you. There was no hesitation in you that we were complete strangers. I expected you to be a high headed, reserved and snobbish woman because any beautiful woman has the right for being all this and much more. And here you were totally opposite, simple, honest and down to earth. Our plates were cleared and you chose not to go back to your book. I could feel my heart was already somersaulting.


That day,I realized that time moves faster at thousands of meters above the earth and the remaining 2 hours of that flight passed away without me even baiting an eyelid. I started dreading the fact that the flight was about to land and the journey was nearing its end. ”I would never get to talk to you again” was the only thought that was resonating in my mind for the last fifteen minutes after the landing was announced. . I could feel your nervousness while the plane was landing and how you tried to control yourself from not holding my arm.I felt the electrifying sensation running through my body when your arms just touched mine while you were attempting to hold the arm rest during the landing.


And then you suggested that you would take the bus with me to the city. I still don’t know that why you took that decision but at that moment my self-obsession forced me to think that my charm has worked on you. That meant another two hours with you and I was ecstatic with joy. I was alone in that city and the only people I knew there were my colleagues. I had already started dreaming about having you as my girlfriend and spending my days and nights with you. After all I was all of 26 and I had all the rights to day dream of a beautiful girl in my life. During that bus ride I told you that I sing and how the girls drool over my songs and me (The truth is I loved singing but nobody ever drooled on my songs except you. That was just to impress you my girl) I even told you about my first love and was touched with your compassionate response. I never believed in love at first sight but during those moments I had started believing in the fact that love can happen anytime, anywhere and with anyone - Even if the person you love is married to someone else. When I asked you that how would you go home after getting down from the bus, little did I know that you answer would change my life. You very plainly replied that your hubby would be there to pick you up as if you were also aware that your answer would definitely hurt me.

It took me a couple of minutes to come to terms with the fact that you were married. I started looking for all those symbols which could have given me a hint that about your marital status and I could find none. Nomangalsutra, no sindoor and not even the wedding ring.

“Why are you silent?”- You asked me. I just turned to look at your face, eyes…I saw it then.

Bundle of Joy or adventure of lifetime

10     Milestones of the baby and millions of thrilling experiences for the parents ……



1)      First time when the baby kicked – It was wonderful when the baby kicked me for the first time. But when the kicks started in the mid of the sleep or in a meeting, I am not sure if I cud call them wonderful. Mind it, the kicks haven’t stopped even now. When my daughter doesn’t get anything to kick, I am her ball..



2)      The first response – Hey! Today she looked at me when I called her. Today was the first and the last time she responded to you. Be prepared, you are the one who is going to respond to her for the rest of your life



3)      The first words – She said Papa first!! No she said Mamma!! You two keep on arguing. Baby is oblivious to all the arguments and waiting to put up her demands in front of you.

Papa, I want this….Mamma, I need that..

And you were on seventh heaven after hearing the first word ..



4)      Baby started crawling – And so do you. Crawling after her under the table to pull her out .



5)      The First teeth – Wow!! I had called so many people to tell them that my baby got the first tooth only to realize that now I am her nibbler and so is the remote of the TV, my bags, her booties nearly everything which was within her reach.



6)      The First walk – Hurray!! I was the one who held her hand and tried to make her walk even before her age and here she is running from one corner of the house to the other. Most of the times I am spotted running after her in a mall or the parking lot or in a movie hall.



7)      When I shifted her from her crib to my bed – Little did I know that I would be thrown out of my bed very soon. I am so used to sleeping in a narrow space now that at times I feel like taking a nap right under my workstation



8)      First introduction to colors – She ignored the number of drawing colors that I got for her. After all, my nail paints and lipsticks are more convenient to use on the walls, clothes, mirrors and any other plain surface



9)      Love for music – Banging the tumbler on the table can be so musical.. How could I not realize this earlier?



10)   Do It Yourself Moments – Now this one really left me not so thrilled because I thought that my baby is growing so fast that she wants to do everything on her own. And she again proved me wrong. I want to eat on my own meant her clothes, the table, floor would taste the food. I want to brush my teeth on my own meant eating the bristles and licking the toothpaste. I will decide what I want to wear meant that whole of her cupboard was on the floor and the bed.


Kids just amaze us at every moment. My room, bed, cupboards, shoe racks, kitchen cabinets and even my life has turned upside down post the birth of my daughter and it is more thrilling than any adventure in this world.

I am a Working Mom

I am a WORKING mom

Everyday I come across many articles/blogs about Stay at Home Moms.. Some written by the moms themselves while the others written by their husbands. All such articles leave me wondering that why no article on Working Moms. And then I realize that we, the working moms, have no time to write any such article and to tell everyone how easy or difficult our lives are...So, today I decided to use my Me time from Home to office to tell everybody my side of the story.. A working mom’s story...

My daughter is 3 years now and the most difficult time for me in these last 3 years was when my daughter was 4 months and I had to join back office. It was more painful to leave the baby at home than it was to deliver the baby. I had 2 options at that point of time - to quit the job and enjoy motherhood or to pursue my dream of a career woman and enjoy motherhood. I opted for the latter. When my husband and I decided to start the family we were very well aware of our hectic office schedules and the kind of commitments required toward our careers. And it was our conscious decision that we would start the family and neither of us would give up on our respective careers. Yes, this thought never crossed our minds that it was only me who should be quitting the job. I left my daughter with my in laws and the help on the first day of resuming work..came back to see her during lunch hours, only to vanish again until my work day was over. This continued to be my routine for the following year and a half

Having spent a full day at work, discharging my duties and being mentally and physically occupied for nearly 14 hours, I return home to fulfill my duties as a mom.I never crib that my back is hurting after sitting for nearly 18 -20 hours in a day or that I get only 3-4 hrs of sleep in a day because it was my decision of bringing the baby in this world and to continue with my office.

I never justify myself to people who think that I go to office so that I can escape my responsibilities as a mom. In last 3 years I have not taken coffee breaks with my colleagues or away from my workstation, I am always the first one to leave the office parties and I try to speed up my work in all the offsite trips so that I can return home to my baby early. I don’t have any weekends or holidays in my schedule now. All such breaks from office mean that I am at the service of my daughter and I love doing every bit of  my job as a mom.

My daughter now goes to school and I wake up at the same time in the morning as any other mom in this world, I prepare her lunch box and drop her to school. My daughter now understands that her mumma goes to office every day and she keeps all her stories from school ready for me when I reach home in the evening. We both ask each other about the day in school and office. I hear the thrill in her voice when she tells her friends that her mumma goes to office. I don’t repent missing my daughter’s first walk or teeth because I never missed these precious moments. I was always there for her during all her milestones and she was there to celebrate with me when I got the biggest promotion so far in my career within 8 months of her birth.

For me, my career is not a platform to prove my identity or to earn money. It’s my dream. I was nearly 10 years old when I dreamt of being a career woman. My parents nurtured this dream with me for next 13 years and my Stay at Home Mom invested all her time, love and energy in building my career. I cannot let down the hard work of my parents and the pride in their eyes by quitting my career. They brought me up as a strong girl and I would like to pass on the same strength to my daughter. .  I never want to give this feeling to my precious little one that I had to leave my career for her. She never told me to bring her in this world and I know she would never tell me to quit my job. It is my decision and I am proud of it.

I believe that women are the strongest creation of God and the almighty has given us the power of balancing. We balance between our kids and jobs and we bring balance even to the lives of those around us. We are multitaskers and I can say that whether we are stay at home moms or Working Moms, we are doing our jobs to the best of our abilities and should be proud of this accomplishment.

I didn’t care if I was allowed to Love again.. I loved to love again - Part 2

I didn’t care if I was allowed to Love again.. I loved to love again



Your new number brought with it my hope, happiness and brightness. It wasn’t that I was not happy in my married life. I have a loving and caring husband who understands me more than I understand myself. He fulfills all my demands even before I think about them, stands by me in all my ups and downs and loves me like he did when we first met..

Still, looking at your number gave me a thrill like a teenager.. And then I called you..You told me about your Ph D, your schedule, your new friends, the new country and how Indians constituted a major part of that country.. You also told me about YOUR FIRST GIRLFRIEND in that country.. If I am correct, she was a Mexican…

I did not feel anything upon hearing the news.. It wasn’t that I was stunned or numbed.. I knew it somewhere that this was in the offing and I was dreading the moment when you would break this news to me.. Why would you be in a non-committal relationship? Yes, we had a non-committal relationship because you knew it I would never leave my hubby and I knew it too..

We kept calling each other over the next few months and years and I don’t remember if it was you or me who first said those beautiful words which left me blushing for days.. I LOVE YOU… I had never imagined that these three words could still have the same impact on me which they had when I had first said and heard them.. The intensity with which you kept telling me in the last few years that I AM YOUR REGRET made me fall in love with you again and again.. Ur regret that we couldn’t meet earlier and have a life together.. Its my regret too baby ( I know how much you hate me when I call you baby)

Last 5 years also saw many of your firang girlfriends, including Korean, French and many one night stands.. It's said that love brings with it jealousy and insecurity, but none of these girls could ever give me a trace of jealousy or insecurity.. May be I had realized that our relationship was beyond these negative emotions. It’s a relationship full of positivity and happiness. These 5 years also saw me becoming a Mom and brought with it loads of love and responsibility from the most innocent possession of my life. I was juggling between office and baby and you were juggling between your studies, work and girlfriends during the most part of these 5 years.Still we both were aware that someone in one corner of this world has a corner in his/her heart for us.


I feel our relationship has its root somewhere in the time when we were not even born.. because, love without any physicality is not a concept of our times.. It surprises me sometimes when I think that we have not touched each other even once as more than friends… you can’t even imagine how much it means to me when you say that you would not spoil our relationship for the sake of anything physical. And it also leaves me confused because I still cant’ believe that such kind of a lonnnnng distance and non-physical relationship exists in today’s world...But when we chat on video calls in the night and my colleagues comment on my smile next morning or the glow on my face, it reassures me that love exists despite of thousands of miles between us. I miss the warmth of your body or the comfort of your hugs but then your deep eyes and the intense love in them heals my longing for you.

You know that we have a bubble of our own. A bubble in which we are very happy together, we tease each other, make fun of each other, hear each other’s silence and the intensity of our love for each other during those silent moments.. We both know that our relation has no future in worldly terms and still we invest our time, energy and emotion in this relationship. I weave my dreams every day with myriads of colors in this bubble. I blush and feel shy when you fix your intense eyes on me during our video calls. And we behave like the youngsters in love. You know I love our relationship more than I love you.. I love the fact that I love you without expecting the same kind of love in return..

Our relationship has no Hi and Bye in it… 5 years back we just entered into each other’s life during a flight and now we just walk into each other’s life through Skype or WhatsApp or Viber or other VOIPs, share our lives with each other, feel the warmth of each other’s love for us and then just like that we walk out of each other’s life for days/ weeks or months…


Some relationships are meant to be cherished and to be lived.. They don’t survive with an intent of fulfillment.. They exist because the two people in that relationship want it to exist.. Ours is that beautiful relationship… And I realized that I never needed any approval from the society to love you.. I just loved the feeling of falling in love again..

Not sure if I am allowed to love again - part 1

Not sure if I am allowed to love again

When I met you 5 years back, I was already married for 2 years…. A love marriage in which I went against the will of my parents and married him… And then you came in my life as a co passenger on that flight of 2.5 hrs..

I am still unaware of the thoughts that crossed your mind in those 2.5 hrs, especially about me but for me you were a young kid (how could I miss the point that you are 2 years younger to me) with millions of dreams in your eyes and who was a good entertainer..you kept me engaged with your entertaining talks for those flight hours and by the end of the journey I felt that you were a friend. After the flight landed, I still don’t know why, but I took the bus to the city along with you despite the fact that it meant a total detour for me from my way to home…

During those 2 hours of bus ride, you told me about your life and your first love.. and when I alighted from the bus, you behaved like a decent boy and gave me your phone number.. I knew it then that you wanted my phone number, but you dint ask for one… Once I got into my hubby’s car after getting down from the bus I immediately smsed  you (Hope you remember that those were the times of SMSes and phone calls with no existence of Watsapp or Skype)

Next day u called me and we met .. first of the many meetings that were in our destiny over next 5 months.. Pizza Huts, Café Coffee days, malls were our hanging out zones.. Let me confess this today that I could not go to any of those places after you left.. Because they were OUR places and I could not share those places with anyone.. Even with my hubby ….

I dont know when we slowly dissolved ourselves into each others' life but our continued calls during office hours, while going back home and then again till the time my hubby dint come back home in the night clearly meant that we were painting a canvas together. You were always the tolerant one who compromised with my curfews on weekends when we could not talk because hubby was around..your patience to bear with me when i sneaked out for a couple of minutes so that we could talk just for a minute during the whole day… You singing a new song for me every night and me imagining you with your guitar.. My confession to you that I don’t understand English songs and you nicely accommodated my demand of singing only Hindi songs..

I don’t know that when did our relationship covered the distance between a normal friendship to something more than a friendship happened.. But I know that I could feel a vacuum within me when after 4 months you first broke the news that you're moving to a different country.. I was very happy that you were going abroad to make a successful career for yourself, but I was selfish enough to feel that sadness in my heart…

I am not sure if I had started loving you at that time because I was married and I wasn’t sure if a married woman is allowed to love again in her life but that my heart ached when you left for that beautiful country 5 yrs ago… and we could not say anything to each other except for good bye.

And then u shared your new number. ...