I didn’t care if I was allowed to Love again.. I loved to love again
Your new number brought with it my hope, happiness and brightness. It wasn’t that I was not happy in my married life. I have a loving and caring husband who understands me more than I understand myself. He fulfills all my demands even before I think about them, stands by me in all my ups and downs and loves me like he did when we first met..
Still, looking at your number gave me a thrill like a teenager.. And then I called you..You told me about your Ph D, your schedule, your new friends, the new country and how Indians constituted a major part of that country.. You also told me about YOUR FIRST GIRLFRIEND in that country.. If I am correct, she was a Mexican…
I did not feel anything upon hearing the news.. It wasn’t that I was stunned or numbed.. I knew it somewhere that this was in the offing and I was dreading the moment when you would break this news to me.. Why would you be in a non-committal relationship? Yes, we had a non-committal relationship because you knew it I would never leave my hubby and I knew it too..
We kept calling each other over the next few months and years and I don’t remember if it was you or me who first said those beautiful words which left me blushing for days.. I LOVE YOU… I had never imagined that these three words could still have the same impact on me which they had when I had first said and heard them.. The intensity with which you kept telling me in the last few years that I AM YOUR REGRET made me fall in love with you again and again.. Ur regret that we couldn’t meet earlier and have a life together.. Its my regret too baby ( I know how much you hate me when I call you baby)
Last 5 years also saw many of your firang girlfriends, including Korean, French and many one night stands.. It's said that love brings with it jealousy and insecurity, but none of these girls could ever give me a trace of jealousy or insecurity.. May be I had realized that our relationship was beyond these negative emotions. It’s a relationship full of positivity and happiness. These 5 years also saw me becoming a Mom and brought with it loads of love and responsibility from the most innocent possession of my life. I was juggling between office and baby and you were juggling between your studies, work and girlfriends during the most part of these 5 years.Still we both were aware that someone in one corner of this world has a corner in his/her heart for us.
I feel our relationship has its root somewhere in the time when we were not even born.. because, love without any physicality is not a concept of our times.. It surprises me sometimes when I think that we have not touched each other even once as more than friends… you can’t even imagine how much it means to me when you say that you would not spoil our relationship for the sake of anything physical. And it also leaves me confused because I still cant’ believe that such kind of a lonnnnng distance and non-physical relationship exists in today’s world...But when we chat on video calls in the night and my colleagues comment on my smile next morning or the glow on my face, it reassures me that love exists despite of thousands of miles between us. I miss the warmth of your body or the comfort of your hugs but then your deep eyes and the intense love in them heals my longing for you.
You know that we have a bubble of our own. A bubble in which we are very happy together, we tease each other, make fun of each other, hear each other’s silence and the intensity of our love for each other during those silent moments.. We both know that our relation has no future in worldly terms and still we invest our time, energy and emotion in this relationship. I weave my dreams every day with myriads of colors in this bubble. I blush and feel shy when you fix your intense eyes on me during our video calls. And we behave like the youngsters in love. You know I love our relationship more than I love you.. I love the fact that I love you without expecting the same kind of love in return..
Our relationship has no Hi and Bye in it… 5 years back we just entered into each other’s life during a flight and now we just walk into each other’s life through Skype or WhatsApp or Viber or other VOIPs, share our lives with each other, feel the warmth of each other’s love for us and then just like that we walk out of each other’s life for days/ weeks or months…
Some relationships are meant to be cherished and to be lived.. They don’t survive with an intent of fulfillment.. They exist because the two people in that relationship want it to exist.. Ours is that beautiful relationship… And I realized that I never needed any approval from the society to love you.. I just loved the feeling of falling in love again..
Your new number brought with it my hope, happiness and brightness. It wasn’t that I was not happy in my married life. I have a loving and caring husband who understands me more than I understand myself. He fulfills all my demands even before I think about them, stands by me in all my ups and downs and loves me like he did when we first met..
Still, looking at your number gave me a thrill like a teenager.. And then I called you..You told me about your Ph D, your schedule, your new friends, the new country and how Indians constituted a major part of that country.. You also told me about YOUR FIRST GIRLFRIEND in that country.. If I am correct, she was a Mexican…
I did not feel anything upon hearing the news.. It wasn’t that I was stunned or numbed.. I knew it somewhere that this was in the offing and I was dreading the moment when you would break this news to me.. Why would you be in a non-committal relationship? Yes, we had a non-committal relationship because you knew it I would never leave my hubby and I knew it too..
We kept calling each other over the next few months and years and I don’t remember if it was you or me who first said those beautiful words which left me blushing for days.. I LOVE YOU… I had never imagined that these three words could still have the same impact on me which they had when I had first said and heard them.. The intensity with which you kept telling me in the last few years that I AM YOUR REGRET made me fall in love with you again and again.. Ur regret that we couldn’t meet earlier and have a life together.. Its my regret too baby ( I know how much you hate me when I call you baby)
Last 5 years also saw many of your firang girlfriends, including Korean, French and many one night stands.. It's said that love brings with it jealousy and insecurity, but none of these girls could ever give me a trace of jealousy or insecurity.. May be I had realized that our relationship was beyond these negative emotions. It’s a relationship full of positivity and happiness. These 5 years also saw me becoming a Mom and brought with it loads of love and responsibility from the most innocent possession of my life. I was juggling between office and baby and you were juggling between your studies, work and girlfriends during the most part of these 5 years.Still we both were aware that someone in one corner of this world has a corner in his/her heart for us.
I feel our relationship has its root somewhere in the time when we were not even born.. because, love without any physicality is not a concept of our times.. It surprises me sometimes when I think that we have not touched each other even once as more than friends… you can’t even imagine how much it means to me when you say that you would not spoil our relationship for the sake of anything physical. And it also leaves me confused because I still cant’ believe that such kind of a lonnnnng distance and non-physical relationship exists in today’s world...But when we chat on video calls in the night and my colleagues comment on my smile next morning or the glow on my face, it reassures me that love exists despite of thousands of miles between us. I miss the warmth of your body or the comfort of your hugs but then your deep eyes and the intense love in them heals my longing for you.
You know that we have a bubble of our own. A bubble in which we are very happy together, we tease each other, make fun of each other, hear each other’s silence and the intensity of our love for each other during those silent moments.. We both know that our relation has no future in worldly terms and still we invest our time, energy and emotion in this relationship. I weave my dreams every day with myriads of colors in this bubble. I blush and feel shy when you fix your intense eyes on me during our video calls. And we behave like the youngsters in love. You know I love our relationship more than I love you.. I love the fact that I love you without expecting the same kind of love in return..
Our relationship has no Hi and Bye in it… 5 years back we just entered into each other’s life during a flight and now we just walk into each other’s life through Skype or WhatsApp or Viber or other VOIPs, share our lives with each other, feel the warmth of each other’s love for us and then just like that we walk out of each other’s life for days/ weeks or months…
Some relationships are meant to be cherished and to be lived.. They don’t survive with an intent of fulfillment.. They exist because the two people in that relationship want it to exist.. Ours is that beautiful relationship… And I realized that I never needed any approval from the society to love you.. I just loved the feeling of falling in love again..
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