Not sure if I am allowed to love again - part 1

Not sure if I am allowed to love again

When I met you 5 years back, I was already married for 2 years…. A love marriage in which I went against the will of my parents and married him… And then you came in my life as a co passenger on that flight of 2.5 hrs..

I am still unaware of the thoughts that crossed your mind in those 2.5 hrs, especially about me but for me you were a young kid (how could I miss the point that you are 2 years younger to me) with millions of dreams in your eyes and who was a good entertainer..you kept me engaged with your entertaining talks for those flight hours and by the end of the journey I felt that you were a friend. After the flight landed, I still don’t know why, but I took the bus to the city along with you despite the fact that it meant a total detour for me from my way to home…

During those 2 hours of bus ride, you told me about your life and your first love.. and when I alighted from the bus, you behaved like a decent boy and gave me your phone number.. I knew it then that you wanted my phone number, but you dint ask for one… Once I got into my hubby’s car after getting down from the bus I immediately smsed  you (Hope you remember that those were the times of SMSes and phone calls with no existence of Watsapp or Skype)

Next day u called me and we met .. first of the many meetings that were in our destiny over next 5 months.. Pizza Huts, Café Coffee days, malls were our hanging out zones.. Let me confess this today that I could not go to any of those places after you left.. Because they were OUR places and I could not share those places with anyone.. Even with my hubby ….

I dont know when we slowly dissolved ourselves into each others' life but our continued calls during office hours, while going back home and then again till the time my hubby dint come back home in the night clearly meant that we were painting a canvas together. You were always the tolerant one who compromised with my curfews on weekends when we could not talk because hubby was around..your patience to bear with me when i sneaked out for a couple of minutes so that we could talk just for a minute during the whole day… You singing a new song for me every night and me imagining you with your guitar.. My confession to you that I don’t understand English songs and you nicely accommodated my demand of singing only Hindi songs..

I don’t know that when did our relationship covered the distance between a normal friendship to something more than a friendship happened.. But I know that I could feel a vacuum within me when after 4 months you first broke the news that you're moving to a different country.. I was very happy that you were going abroad to make a successful career for yourself, but I was selfish enough to feel that sadness in my heart…

I am not sure if I had started loving you at that time because I was married and I wasn’t sure if a married woman is allowed to love again in her life but that my heart ached when you left for that beautiful country 5 yrs ago… and we could not say anything to each other except for good bye.

And then u shared your new number. ...