Badminton Match

Badminton Match                                                           

I had seen him for the first time on the badminton court. He had teamed up with another girl from the office and was on the opposite side. I was confident that the girl in his team is the weaker link of the two and I would be able to win the match easily along with my partner. As expected, we won it… But not easily. He effectively covered the whole court on his side and made it a tough competition for us. After the match his partner introduced us and we realized that we belonged to the same set of the new trainees who had joined this company. Just that he was in a different vertical and so we had never interacted in last 9 months since we had joined the organization.

The badminton match was one of the sports of the Sports Day Event that was being organized in our organization pan India. Other sports being Table Tennis, cricket and carrom. Now that he and his partner had lost the badminton match from us so he could not qualify for the National tournament in badminton but his cricket team had managed to reach the main matches of the event. After playing our individual matches in badminton it was time to go home. My mixed double opponents offered to drop me to my flat in that city and I happily said yes.

I had shifted to this small city 3 months back when I was given this location after the completion of the cross functional training. After spending 6 years in hostel, I had decided that I would rent my own flat and stay in it all alone rather than opting for a PG. I wanted to lead an independent life in which I did not want to share any space with anyone else. I was reeling under the pain of my first break up and all I needed was some space in my life so that my pain could flow through my tears as and when my endurance cracked. I did not know anyone in this city and that made me happy because I wanted to be nobody in this city. The only people in this city whom I knew and who knew me were my office colleagues. During the car ride I was sitting in the back seat and I was observing the camaraderie which my colleagues on the front seats shared. While he was driving the car, she was chatting up on every conceivable topic... And he was responding to her with his witty remarks. Then they dropped me at my place and we bid each other our formal good byes.. The way we do with people whom we meet for the first time.

The ride from the badminton court was hardly for ten minutes and none of us had ever thought at that time that these drives would continue even after ten years. That was also the first and the last time when I sat on the back seat of the car while he was driving….Now I sit with him on the front seat every time we go for a drive..

Social Employee

It’s my life so it’s either my way or high way.. When I express these thoughts, people around me either end up calling me immature or a fool or selfish.. And I end up asking myself that what gives them this right to call me by all these names. I am also as much a part of this society as they are and I want to lead my life my way in this society.

I get a feel that the mantra to gel well with this society is to just please everyone around us by meeting their expectation or in short, become a “SOCIAL EMPLOYEE”. Even our personal life is lead like a professional one. Every role has a job description attached to it and if you don’t work as per the job description then you are not fit for the role. If one doesn’t behave like an obedient child then he or she is not fit for the role of a son or a daughter. You decide to follow your passion rather than choosing Engg/Medical/CA as the profession and you are not eligible for the role of a competitive individual. Rather, you are somebody who doesn’t know that what he/she wants to do in life. If you don’t behave in a certain way that your beloved expects you to behave then you don’t love him or her enough. So, you are rejected / dumped from that role. ”.

Marriage is the best organization in this society and if you are successful in marriage then you are a super human. This single relationship brings with it such a maze of relationships that if we are able to fulfill our roles in most of these relations then we are the top performers of this society. Somebody please explain me that how is it possible to please so many people. Once you get married, the number of roles increase overnight. You are a spouse, son in law/ daughter in law, uncle, aunt and every single relation that can exist in this society. I feel that the only way to succeed in all these roles is to be a yes boss kind of social employee. Keep your mind and heart at bay and keep on listening to others regarding their expectations from you and just say “YES BOSS, IT WILL BE DONE” and there you go. You are the top performer in the society and you become the role model for many of the individuals who would be told to look upto you. The best task for this social employee comes when he/she becomes the parent and the way your wards behave becomes the new parameter to measure success or failure as the contributor to this society.

It bothers me that if I end up living the roles that have been assigned to me then when am I going to live “MY” life. A life in which I want to define my own goals, fabricate my roles and measure my success or failures on my own benchmarks or not measure them at all. I may not be a good kid because I would always keep my parents on their toes when it came to my choices whether in terms of career choice or life partner but I would love and respect my parents much more because they gave me the right to take my own decision.  I don’t want to be called an engineer or a doctor or CA. I want to pursue my own interest and I don’t want anyone else to tell me that how successful I am in terms of my career or to be precise “bank balance”. I have no aspiration to be called a good wife or to be given the tag of a good daughter in law and end up doing all the external and internal household chores. I am not looking down on these chores. Its just that they don’t interest me and I don’t want to anything just because it is a job description. I just want to be a good life partner to my spouse who can share his happiness, worries, ups and downs with me. I want to share his responsibility in taking care of the house irrespective of the fact whether it makes me a good or bad daughter in law.

My thoughts may sound selfish to many of you simply because it’s full of me but this is how I want to live and this will make me happy. In our endeavor to portray a good image in front of this society we end up living somebody else’s life .Only when I am happy from within then I would be able to spread the happiness to this society and that would be my contribution to this society.

And I loved you... again and again - Part 4

I saw that carefree and confident look on your face. You were aware of what you were doing. I understood it then that you were an ATYPICAL woman. Being an Atypical man myself I always wanted someone like you in my life. Your beautiful eyes, smart mouth and even smarter mind made you even more desirable. I just hoped that your marital status should not dim the spark between us. You were still as desirable as I found you couple of hours back. Just before you were about to alight from the bus I gave you my phone number and I know how difficult it was to control myself from asking for your phone number. I could not let you go without even knowing whether we would meet again ever.”This is going in the history as the shortest love story ever” “Fool, ask her phone number” “You moron, even if she said no, you would have understood how she felt for you” etc etc... All these thoughts crossed my mind in next 5 minutes and this self-accusation stopped only when my phone beeped. Here it was, blinking on my phone screen, ray of my hope – your message. Wow, she is interested in you...she also felt the same way that I did...she likes me...she wants to talk to me...These never ending thoughts about you kept on flooding my mind that whole night and next day. And all this while I just kept on dialing your number and disconnecting the call because I wasn’t sure about what I wanted to say to you. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to feel the warmth of your voice flowing in my ears. Finally, I called you towards the end of the day and asked you if you could come out to meet me and you being you, an atypical woman, accepted my offer without making any fuss about it. Even before I hung up I started dreaming that how would I react when I meet you - I would hug you with a light peck on your cheeks, no I can’t make myself look too eager so a normal handshake would be fine.

I left my office an hour earlier and reached the pizza shop, where we were supposed to meet .For next  30 minutes I just kept on looking at the entrance of the restaurant and hoped that the next person walking in is you. Finally you entered and started looking around for me. Sorry, I was so transfixed that time that I could not even wave my hand to tell you where I was sitting. Your black, fitted dress which just ended below your knees was not letting my eyes focus. At one moment they were busy staring at your legs (now, don’t blame my eyes for this) while at the other they were busy measuring the neckline. All I wanted to do that time was to hold your waist, pull you towards me and kiss you on your lips and all the way down to your neck and then your shoulder till the hemline of the dress. I somehow managed to put the brake to my thoughts and all we did was that swift hug which was enough for me to drink in your intoxicating smell.

We kept on meeting every other day after that and during all such meetings I wanted to tell you that I had started loving you, I couldn’t get your thought out of my mind even for a minute, I wanted to hold your hands, our fingers entwined into each other’s, feel the scent of your body and the touch of your lips on my lips. I had no clue about what you felt for me then and I always had the fear of losing you if I told you about my true feelings for you.

I looked forward to your calls every morning and every night when you reached home. I admired the fact that you so honestly told me about your love for Hindi songs. They were never my forte but for you I was ready to do anything and this was the least I could do. When the world waited for weekends to come I waited for Mondays to arrive. Saturdays and Sundays were the longest days of the week for me when I could not talk to you or see you or feel the warmth of your voice in my ears. When I told you about my plan of moving abroad for further studies you sounded so excited and I wasn’t expecting that reaction. I had a feeling that somewhere within you had also developed a soft corner for me and I was hoping that corner had stored love for me. But I did not hear any such emotion in your voice and all it had was a friendly excitement and happiness that a friend has for the other.

And then came the day when I had to leave for this beautiful country and you wanted to give me company till the airport just the way you did at the time when we had met. How much I longed to hear during those 2 hours to airport that you loved me but you being a stubborn woman would not say that... And then at the airport, the sadness in your eyes whispered those 3 beautiful words I was waiting to hear in last 5 months... You looked so sad and beautiful at the same time that I couldn’t control myself from giving you a tight hug, entwine my fingers in yours and brush my lips on yours in those few moments.

We said our good byes but I knew that our relationship that had started on a journey couldn’t get over with a good bye. It rather started with a Good Bye... I shared my new number once again with you.. Have you ever realized that why I shared my number both the times with you and then giving you the choice of entering in my life or exiting it forever.

Babe, I would be lying if I say that I started loving you the moment I saw you in the flight…But yes I loved you during all our meetings, I loved you while singing those songs for you and I loved you during last 5 years when I was with different girls. I loved you when I saw you on skype the other day and I know that I would keep on loving you forever.. And during all those moments of love I did not bother about your marital status because for me you are not someone whom I would fit in a box of Ms or Mrs. You are my friend, my bubble mate.. You are my regret and my biggest happiness... Regret that we did not meet earlier in our life, regret that I can’t offer you my shoulder when you say that you want to take rest, regret that I can’t provide you the warmth of my love when you feel cold and happiness that I have someone like you in my life who is not scared to love again and with you I never cared if you could love again.

Do we really need special treatment?

I don’t believe in the concept of celebrating women’s day. It’s not that I am not proud of being a woman but then I don’t understand that why we need to dedicate a day for celebrating us. For me it’s like saying that we are special and we need special treatment. No I am not special. I am a woman.

I don’t like it when men leave their seats for me. Neither am I very old nor do I have any physical challenges that men should be doing this for me. I really hate it when somebody offers me a helping hand while I am carrying my heavy luggage on the railway station. Dude, I know I had to carry it and I have packed my luggage accordingly. Thanks but no thanks. The idea of separate queues for women has never thrilled me. Yes, from the women safety point of view they are fine but then I am totally open to the idea of standing in the same queue as men and patiently wait for my turn to come.

I really appreciate the reserved seat for the old people and the pregnant women in every coach of metro but why do we need 2 seats for women in every coach? Ladies first – Why? What have I done to get anything before men? Why do a man do needs to hold a door for a woman? Why do they need to pull a chair for us to sit? Why do they pay the food bill when we go out for lunch or dinners? You may call this as chivalry but then why this courtesy is mostly from men to women. We can open the doors for ourselves, we can pull our chair and we can pay for our food bill and we can do this for men as well.

I understand that there is large part of women who are forced to live substandard life, girls who don’t even know how a school looks like, daughters who are not even allowed a life and are killed before they are born but then how this preferential treatment going to help them. They need more than a Women’s day to see the light of the day.

When we teach our young sons to respect women, we are unknowingly sowing the thoughts in their mind that women are different from men. They should be taught to respect human beings rather than respecting women. Sometimes, men around me try to shadow my achievements or may be their underachievement with the fact that I am a woman and so I would have got it easily but believe you me I had to put in extra efforts than any of the you men around to achieve my goal. So, please don’t try to steal my success under the pretext of my gender. It actually shows weakness of men.

Don’t treat me differently only because we are different by birth. Men and Women. Treat me differently because I deserve it. I don’t respect you or love you or hate you because you are a man. I respect you for your hard work, I love you for your sensitivity and I can hate you for any of the millions of things that you do. All I want is same treatment from you. Don’t love, respect or detest me because I am a woman.

It’s so ironical that we talk about women empowerment in a country where we worship Women Strength in the form of Goddess Durga. Somewhere during our evolution cycle we lost the key ingredient of our culture of treating men and women at par. We now advertise these concepts as our inventions. We have forgotten the fact that we were not given a choice of being a man or woman at the time of our birth. Then why should we take pride in claiming that we are woman. We should take pride in what have we made of ourselves. We should be proud of our contributions towards the society and above all we should be proud of our individuality, our identity.

I don’t avail the special offers that flood the market during Women’s day because I feel it degrades my identity. I don’t wait for ladies night and the discounted drinks which the clubs have on offer because I feel that somewhere these offers are making use of my identity rather than celebrating it.  I returned the certificate to my organization which I had received on Women’s day because I don’t need a proof of what I am and what I am capable of doing.

All I need is a treatment that I deserve because of my deeds and not because of my gender. And all I do is to celebrate myself and not celebrate Women’s Day.

Dedicated to all the men in our life

We all come across events/ articles/ stories in our daily life where successful men dedicate their success to their wives, moms, sisters or daughters. And the not so successful men crib how their girlfriends and wives have made a hell out of their life.

I am sure we have paused during such stories and thought how much men have impacted our lives... I owe my success to the men in my life. And this success doesn’t necessarily mean the success in my career. This success means the success of a mother, a wife, a career woman and most importantly an individual.

I am a successful wife because I have a great husband who supports me in my daily chores at home. He doesn’t mind folding the clothes or arranging the shoe rack or offering me a glass of water when I reach home after a hectic day at office. He doesn’t feel awkward in holding the shopping bags for me or watching a romantic comedy with me. He loves to plan our vacations and feed me when I have henna on my hands.

I am a successful mother because my husband loves sharing the responsibility of bringing up our daughter. He makes her bottler of milk in the mid of the night when I am sleeping peacefully and I am secretly jealous of the fact that she loves to spend more time with him than with me. He cuddles her, puts her to sleep and sings lullaby for her.

I am a career woman firstly because of my Father and then because of my husband in my personal life and professionally because of all my superiors and colleagues in office. These male colleagues never approached me with any gender biasness and they always pushed me to perform better. They stood by me during all my professional ups and downs and ensured that my career continues smoothly.

I am a happy and cheerful person todaybecause of all my friends and many of them are guys. They love to sit next to me when I drive and don’t mind sharing their drinks with me. They have always accepted me the way I am and they don’t bother even if I use the cuss words. They are my 4 am friends who don’t treat me differently because I am a woman

I love sports because my brother always played soccer, badminton and cricket with me. He never hesitated in taking me in his team during any match and many a times he proudly made me the captain of his team.

And finally, the most important man in my life – my father

I am what I am because of my father. His upbringing always gave me the strength to fight the world. He showed confidence in me which infused self confidence in me. He gave me the freedom to think and take my decisions and he was always the fall back for all my decisions. I carry his surname even after my marriage because I feel that my whole identity is because of him.

Men in my life have supported me, helped me, guided me, challenged me and loved me. They have impacted my life in all possible manners. Kudos to all the men in my life who helped me to evolve into a better human being and more importantly a better woman in all the spheres of my life.

I had fallen for you the first time I met you - Part 3

Holi break had just got over and I was boarding the flight to my land of KARMA.

.As usual, I kept praying to have a pretty lass for company rather than the boring co passengers I frequently encountered. There you were!!! What a sight it was. I thanked god for the same and made my way towards you with confident steps despite the limited space available on board. When I reached at my stipulated seat 23 B, I found you on 23 C. Your sharp nose, flawless wheatish complexion, the most beautiful pair of eyes fixed on a book, and the aloofness to the commotion that was in the aircraft with passengers either trying to spot their seat or busy tugging in their luggage in the overhead cabinets kept my eyes fixed on you for a minute or so. I don’t know if it was your beautiful face or the indifference to your surroundings that made me to wait a while and look at you before disturbing you to get onto my seat. “’Excuse me, I am sorry to bother you but I have the middle seat.”’. You lifted your head and saw me…It was an electrifying experience. The mesmerizing eyes, innocent face and black wavy hair with gold n bronze streaks . I couldn’t get my eyes off you.


I tried my best to act chivalrous and requested you to excuse me as I had the middle seat and you had to get up from aisle seat to let me sit. The moment you got up from your seat to give me way, I realized that you were just not a pretty face. You were a pretty face and a nice body. The flight took off and you immersed yourself in the book that you were already reading. The inflight TV kept me entertained for next half an hour till the time the meal arrived and you had to keep the book aside.


I grabbed that opportunity when you were not focused on your book. I asked you “Which book are you reading?” and I don’t remember the name of that book because I was lost in your sweet, innocent voice which used my ears to flow to my heart. That was the best meal of my life not because it tasted so but because it gave me an opportunity to talk to you. Your words were more enchanting than you and I took no time in figuring out that you love talking. We talked about the book, my job, your job and my studies. You were so charming and warm and it was so easy to talk to you. There was no hesitation in you that we were complete strangers. I expected you to be a high headed, reserved and snobbish woman because any beautiful woman has the right for being all this and much more. And here you were totally opposite, simple, honest and down to earth. Our plates were cleared and you chose not to go back to your book. I could feel my heart was already somersaulting.


That day,I realized that time moves faster at thousands of meters above the earth and the remaining 2 hours of that flight passed away without me even baiting an eyelid. I started dreading the fact that the flight was about to land and the journey was nearing its end. ”I would never get to talk to you again” was the only thought that was resonating in my mind for the last fifteen minutes after the landing was announced. . I could feel your nervousness while the plane was landing and how you tried to control yourself from not holding my arm.I felt the electrifying sensation running through my body when your arms just touched mine while you were attempting to hold the arm rest during the landing.


And then you suggested that you would take the bus with me to the city. I still don’t know that why you took that decision but at that moment my self-obsession forced me to think that my charm has worked on you. That meant another two hours with you and I was ecstatic with joy. I was alone in that city and the only people I knew there were my colleagues. I had already started dreaming about having you as my girlfriend and spending my days and nights with you. After all I was all of 26 and I had all the rights to day dream of a beautiful girl in my life. During that bus ride I told you that I sing and how the girls drool over my songs and me (The truth is I loved singing but nobody ever drooled on my songs except you. That was just to impress you my girl) I even told you about my first love and was touched with your compassionate response. I never believed in love at first sight but during those moments I had started believing in the fact that love can happen anytime, anywhere and with anyone - Even if the person you love is married to someone else. When I asked you that how would you go home after getting down from the bus, little did I know that you answer would change my life. You very plainly replied that your hubby would be there to pick you up as if you were also aware that your answer would definitely hurt me.

It took me a couple of minutes to come to terms with the fact that you were married. I started looking for all those symbols which could have given me a hint that about your marital status and I could find none. Nomangalsutra, no sindoor and not even the wedding ring.

“Why are you silent?”- You asked me. I just turned to look at your face, eyes…I saw it then.

Bundle of Joy or adventure of lifetime

10     Milestones of the baby and millions of thrilling experiences for the parents ……



1)      First time when the baby kicked – It was wonderful when the baby kicked me for the first time. But when the kicks started in the mid of the sleep or in a meeting, I am not sure if I cud call them wonderful. Mind it, the kicks haven’t stopped even now. When my daughter doesn’t get anything to kick, I am her ball..



2)      The first response – Hey! Today she looked at me when I called her. Today was the first and the last time she responded to you. Be prepared, you are the one who is going to respond to her for the rest of your life



3)      The first words – She said Papa first!! No she said Mamma!! You two keep on arguing. Baby is oblivious to all the arguments and waiting to put up her demands in front of you.

Papa, I want this….Mamma, I need that..

And you were on seventh heaven after hearing the first word ..



4)      Baby started crawling – And so do you. Crawling after her under the table to pull her out .



5)      The First teeth – Wow!! I had called so many people to tell them that my baby got the first tooth only to realize that now I am her nibbler and so is the remote of the TV, my bags, her booties nearly everything which was within her reach.



6)      The First walk – Hurray!! I was the one who held her hand and tried to make her walk even before her age and here she is running from one corner of the house to the other. Most of the times I am spotted running after her in a mall or the parking lot or in a movie hall.



7)      When I shifted her from her crib to my bed – Little did I know that I would be thrown out of my bed very soon. I am so used to sleeping in a narrow space now that at times I feel like taking a nap right under my workstation



8)      First introduction to colors – She ignored the number of drawing colors that I got for her. After all, my nail paints and lipsticks are more convenient to use on the walls, clothes, mirrors and any other plain surface



9)      Love for music – Banging the tumbler on the table can be so musical.. How could I not realize this earlier?



10)   Do It Yourself Moments – Now this one really left me not so thrilled because I thought that my baby is growing so fast that she wants to do everything on her own. And she again proved me wrong. I want to eat on my own meant her clothes, the table, floor would taste the food. I want to brush my teeth on my own meant eating the bristles and licking the toothpaste. I will decide what I want to wear meant that whole of her cupboard was on the floor and the bed.


Kids just amaze us at every moment. My room, bed, cupboards, shoe racks, kitchen cabinets and even my life has turned upside down post the birth of my daughter and it is more thrilling than any adventure in this world.

I am a Working Mom

I am a WORKING mom

Everyday I come across many articles/blogs about Stay at Home Moms.. Some written by the moms themselves while the others written by their husbands. All such articles leave me wondering that why no article on Working Moms. And then I realize that we, the working moms, have no time to write any such article and to tell everyone how easy or difficult our lives are...So, today I decided to use my Me time from Home to office to tell everybody my side of the story.. A working mom’s story...

My daughter is 3 years now and the most difficult time for me in these last 3 years was when my daughter was 4 months and I had to join back office. It was more painful to leave the baby at home than it was to deliver the baby. I had 2 options at that point of time - to quit the job and enjoy motherhood or to pursue my dream of a career woman and enjoy motherhood. I opted for the latter. When my husband and I decided to start the family we were very well aware of our hectic office schedules and the kind of commitments required toward our careers. And it was our conscious decision that we would start the family and neither of us would give up on our respective careers. Yes, this thought never crossed our minds that it was only me who should be quitting the job. I left my daughter with my in laws and the help on the first day of resuming work..came back to see her during lunch hours, only to vanish again until my work day was over. This continued to be my routine for the following year and a half

Having spent a full day at work, discharging my duties and being mentally and physically occupied for nearly 14 hours, I return home to fulfill my duties as a mom.I never crib that my back is hurting after sitting for nearly 18 -20 hours in a day or that I get only 3-4 hrs of sleep in a day because it was my decision of bringing the baby in this world and to continue with my office.

I never justify myself to people who think that I go to office so that I can escape my responsibilities as a mom. In last 3 years I have not taken coffee breaks with my colleagues or away from my workstation, I am always the first one to leave the office parties and I try to speed up my work in all the offsite trips so that I can return home to my baby early. I don’t have any weekends or holidays in my schedule now. All such breaks from office mean that I am at the service of my daughter and I love doing every bit of  my job as a mom.

My daughter now goes to school and I wake up at the same time in the morning as any other mom in this world, I prepare her lunch box and drop her to school. My daughter now understands that her mumma goes to office every day and she keeps all her stories from school ready for me when I reach home in the evening. We both ask each other about the day in school and office. I hear the thrill in her voice when she tells her friends that her mumma goes to office. I don’t repent missing my daughter’s first walk or teeth because I never missed these precious moments. I was always there for her during all her milestones and she was there to celebrate with me when I got the biggest promotion so far in my career within 8 months of her birth.

For me, my career is not a platform to prove my identity or to earn money. It’s my dream. I was nearly 10 years old when I dreamt of being a career woman. My parents nurtured this dream with me for next 13 years and my Stay at Home Mom invested all her time, love and energy in building my career. I cannot let down the hard work of my parents and the pride in their eyes by quitting my career. They brought me up as a strong girl and I would like to pass on the same strength to my daughter. .  I never want to give this feeling to my precious little one that I had to leave my career for her. She never told me to bring her in this world and I know she would never tell me to quit my job. It is my decision and I am proud of it.

I believe that women are the strongest creation of God and the almighty has given us the power of balancing. We balance between our kids and jobs and we bring balance even to the lives of those around us. We are multitaskers and I can say that whether we are stay at home moms or Working Moms, we are doing our jobs to the best of our abilities and should be proud of this accomplishment.

I didn’t care if I was allowed to Love again.. I loved to love again - Part 2

I didn’t care if I was allowed to Love again.. I loved to love again



Your new number brought with it my hope, happiness and brightness. It wasn’t that I was not happy in my married life. I have a loving and caring husband who understands me more than I understand myself. He fulfills all my demands even before I think about them, stands by me in all my ups and downs and loves me like he did when we first met..

Still, looking at your number gave me a thrill like a teenager.. And then I called you..You told me about your Ph D, your schedule, your new friends, the new country and how Indians constituted a major part of that country.. You also told me about YOUR FIRST GIRLFRIEND in that country.. If I am correct, she was a Mexican…

I did not feel anything upon hearing the news.. It wasn’t that I was stunned or numbed.. I knew it somewhere that this was in the offing and I was dreading the moment when you would break this news to me.. Why would you be in a non-committal relationship? Yes, we had a non-committal relationship because you knew it I would never leave my hubby and I knew it too..

We kept calling each other over the next few months and years and I don’t remember if it was you or me who first said those beautiful words which left me blushing for days.. I LOVE YOU… I had never imagined that these three words could still have the same impact on me which they had when I had first said and heard them.. The intensity with which you kept telling me in the last few years that I AM YOUR REGRET made me fall in love with you again and again.. Ur regret that we couldn’t meet earlier and have a life together.. Its my regret too baby ( I know how much you hate me when I call you baby)

Last 5 years also saw many of your firang girlfriends, including Korean, French and many one night stands.. It's said that love brings with it jealousy and insecurity, but none of these girls could ever give me a trace of jealousy or insecurity.. May be I had realized that our relationship was beyond these negative emotions. It’s a relationship full of positivity and happiness. These 5 years also saw me becoming a Mom and brought with it loads of love and responsibility from the most innocent possession of my life. I was juggling between office and baby and you were juggling between your studies, work and girlfriends during the most part of these 5 years.Still we both were aware that someone in one corner of this world has a corner in his/her heart for us.


I feel our relationship has its root somewhere in the time when we were not even born.. because, love without any physicality is not a concept of our times.. It surprises me sometimes when I think that we have not touched each other even once as more than friends… you can’t even imagine how much it means to me when you say that you would not spoil our relationship for the sake of anything physical. And it also leaves me confused because I still cant’ believe that such kind of a lonnnnng distance and non-physical relationship exists in today’s world...But when we chat on video calls in the night and my colleagues comment on my smile next morning or the glow on my face, it reassures me that love exists despite of thousands of miles between us. I miss the warmth of your body or the comfort of your hugs but then your deep eyes and the intense love in them heals my longing for you.

You know that we have a bubble of our own. A bubble in which we are very happy together, we tease each other, make fun of each other, hear each other’s silence and the intensity of our love for each other during those silent moments.. We both know that our relation has no future in worldly terms and still we invest our time, energy and emotion in this relationship. I weave my dreams every day with myriads of colors in this bubble. I blush and feel shy when you fix your intense eyes on me during our video calls. And we behave like the youngsters in love. You know I love our relationship more than I love you.. I love the fact that I love you without expecting the same kind of love in return..

Our relationship has no Hi and Bye in it… 5 years back we just entered into each other’s life during a flight and now we just walk into each other’s life through Skype or WhatsApp or Viber or other VOIPs, share our lives with each other, feel the warmth of each other’s love for us and then just like that we walk out of each other’s life for days/ weeks or months…


Some relationships are meant to be cherished and to be lived.. They don’t survive with an intent of fulfillment.. They exist because the two people in that relationship want it to exist.. Ours is that beautiful relationship… And I realized that I never needed any approval from the society to love you.. I just loved the feeling of falling in love again..

Not sure if I am allowed to love again - part 1

Not sure if I am allowed to love again

When I met you 5 years back, I was already married for 2 years…. A love marriage in which I went against the will of my parents and married him… And then you came in my life as a co passenger on that flight of 2.5 hrs..

I am still unaware of the thoughts that crossed your mind in those 2.5 hrs, especially about me but for me you were a young kid (how could I miss the point that you are 2 years younger to me) with millions of dreams in your eyes and who was a good entertainer..you kept me engaged with your entertaining talks for those flight hours and by the end of the journey I felt that you were a friend. After the flight landed, I still don’t know why, but I took the bus to the city along with you despite the fact that it meant a total detour for me from my way to home…

During those 2 hours of bus ride, you told me about your life and your first love.. and when I alighted from the bus, you behaved like a decent boy and gave me your phone number.. I knew it then that you wanted my phone number, but you dint ask for one… Once I got into my hubby’s car after getting down from the bus I immediately smsed  you (Hope you remember that those were the times of SMSes and phone calls with no existence of Watsapp or Skype)

Next day u called me and we met .. first of the many meetings that were in our destiny over next 5 months.. Pizza Huts, Café Coffee days, malls were our hanging out zones.. Let me confess this today that I could not go to any of those places after you left.. Because they were OUR places and I could not share those places with anyone.. Even with my hubby ….

I dont know when we slowly dissolved ourselves into each others' life but our continued calls during office hours, while going back home and then again till the time my hubby dint come back home in the night clearly meant that we were painting a canvas together. You were always the tolerant one who compromised with my curfews on weekends when we could not talk because hubby was around..your patience to bear with me when i sneaked out for a couple of minutes so that we could talk just for a minute during the whole day… You singing a new song for me every night and me imagining you with your guitar.. My confession to you that I don’t understand English songs and you nicely accommodated my demand of singing only Hindi songs..

I don’t know that when did our relationship covered the distance between a normal friendship to something more than a friendship happened.. But I know that I could feel a vacuum within me when after 4 months you first broke the news that you're moving to a different country.. I was very happy that you were going abroad to make a successful career for yourself, but I was selfish enough to feel that sadness in my heart…

I am not sure if I had started loving you at that time because I was married and I wasn’t sure if a married woman is allowed to love again in her life but that my heart ached when you left for that beautiful country 5 yrs ago… and we could not say anything to each other except for good bye.

And then u shared your new number. ...